


Sign of the Times

by BCJ1997



Category: 13 Reasons Why (TV)
Genre: Anal Sex, Angst, Bottom Clay, F/M, Falling In Love, First Time, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Marijuana, Mentions of Suicidal Thoughts, Pining, Recreational Drug Use, Road Trips, Slow Burn, Smut, Top Tony
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-14
Updated: 2017-06-27
Packaged: 2018-10-31 14:14:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 12,206
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10901040
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BCJ1997/pseuds/BCJ1997
Summary: Tony tries to put some distance between himself and Clay. He really does.So how the hell do they end up on a roadtrip together for the summer?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So I'm starting a new story because I'm a obsessed with Clony and I needed to write a story for them. 
> 
> Unfortunately, my story "To Build a Home" is being put on hold due to the fact that my adorable six year old cousin was playing on my phone and deleted the app that contained five more chapters that I've been working on. I'm so sorry if this disappoints anyone. 
> 
> I hope you all enjoy this one, though :) A new chapter for my 132 prompts story will be posted tomorrow.

Brad breaks up with Tony the day before the road trip they had planned.

It's been seven months since Hannah died and the tapes came out. Things were rough. They still are. But Tony thought things between him and his boyfriend were looking up.

He was wrong.

“ _I'm not competing with Clay_ ,” Brad had said. “ _Take him on the fucking trip instead_.”

Tony doesn't. At least, he tries not to. He needs to put some distance between him and Clay. Not because of Brad, but because of the feelings he has for this boy. This boy who's completely straight and _still_ can't get over Hannah Baker.

But when Clay hears about their breakup and finds out that Tony’s going on the trip by himself, he shows up with a duffle bag in one hand and another bag slung over his shoulder. He never asked Tony if he could come, just assumed that his best friend would want the company.

Tony fucking loves him for it.

Too bad it can't happen.

“You're not coming, Clay,” he says, slamming the trunk of his car closed.

Clay looks taken aback, not expecting the answer. “What do you mean I'm not coming?”

“Just what I said.” Tony knows he's being harsh, harsher than he's ever been with Clay, but he needs to be harsh if he's going to do this. “Look, this is something that I need to alone, okay?”

“Tony--”

“ _Clay_.” Tony yanks open the car door and gets in. He turns the car on, not looking at Clay the entire time. He can't bring himself to see the hurt look on his friend’s face.

Clay doesn't walk away, just continues to stare. He's always been stubborn. Tony knows that this time won't be any exception. And because he’s so fucking weak when it comes to this guy, he sits there with his hands on the steering wheel and waits.

“Fine,” he sighs when Clay doesn't get the hint.

After a second of hesitation, unsure if he should just leave Tony alone or get in, he decides on the latter and opens the passenger side door before sliding in. He turns around in his seat and throws he duffle bag in the back but keeps the bag that was around his shoulder on the floor between his feet.

“If you really don't want me to come-” Clay starts to say.

Tony cuts him off with a, “Don't, Clay.” He puts in a cassette tape and turns the volume up until he can't hear anything but the music.

 

* * *

 

  
They drive for hours.

Tony doesn't have a map or a specific destination in mind. He and Brad were just gonna go wherever the road took them. Clay glances at him every so often and sometimes opens his mouth to say something, but Tony’s hands clench around the steering wheel every time so Clay keeps his mouth shut. He doesn't ask where they’re going. Maybe he doesn't care.

The only thing that Tony forces himself to ask is, “Your parents know you're with me, right?”

Clay rolls his eyes. “Believe me, I wouldn't leave without telling them. My mom would _murder_ me.” And she’d probably have every cop out looking for him and organize a search party.

Tony nods and they go back to the uncomfortable silence.

Eventually he pulls over, tired of driving and needing a break. They’re in the middle of nowhere, but he doesn't care. He just needs to stretch his legs. Shutting the engine of the car off, he opens the door and gets out, sighing in relief when he's able to stretch his legs out. 

He hears the car door open and close and the gravel crunching under Clay’s feet as he comes around the car to stand next to his friend.

“You okay, man?” Clay asks, concerned. “You've been silent this entire time. Are you angry with me or something? Because I could've stayed behind if you wanted me to.”

Tony closes his eyes for a moment, then opens them and says, “No, Clay. I'm never mad at you.”

“Is it Brad?”

“He's part of it.” _And I'm angry with myself right now_. But Clay doesn't need to know that.

A hand lands on his shoulder.

“He's an idiot, Tony,” Clay says, sounding genuine. “He didn't deserve you. If he's that much of an asshole that he can just abandon you--”

“It’s not just him.” The words come out sharp. “It's on me, too. He just...he could never get over the fact that you and I are friends. He was just too jealous.”

Clay’s hand slides off his shoulder. “Which is why you didn't want me to come.” It's a statement, not a question. Tony looks up at Clay.

“No, that's not why,” he lies.

He can tell Clay doesn't believe him, and he feels like the worlds biggest asshole when Clay silently gets back in the car and doesn't look at him again. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for your responses! I love you all <3
> 
> Here's a new chapter for you. I'm also going to be posting a new chapter for my 132 prompts story later on, as well as possibly posting another chapter for this. If not tonight, then I'll have an update for you guys tomorrow :) 
> 
> Also, Tony may have moments where he's kind of a dick. The reason for this isn't to purposely make him OOC or anything, but in my head he's hurting because of his feelings for Clay (feelings he doesn't think will ever be returned) so he's trying to protect himself for once. It's definitely not like him, and even he doesn't completely understand why he's acting the way he does at certain times. Just thought I would throw that out there.

The music doesn't make the silence any less awkward, so it's a relief when a diner comes into sight and Tony pulls into the parking lot.

“You hungry?” Tony asks quietly.

Clay gives a one-shoulder shrug, looking out the window. “I could eat.”

Tony makes sure he has his wallet before they get out of the car and go inside. The diner is filled with more people than they expected, but they find a booth right away and sit down. A waitress comes over and they both try and give her some kind of smile when she hands them their menus.

After a few more minutes of silence, Clay sets down his menu and says, “Are you gonna talk to me at some point, or?”

Tony doesn't want to do this. Not now. He's been driving for hours and he's fucking _exhausted_. But he can tell that Clay isn't going to let it go.

“You're the one who hasn't said anything to me since we got back on the road,” Tony shoots back, sounding childish, which isn't like him. He doesn't know why he says it when _he’s_ the reason why there's been nothing but silence between them, but he's in a bad mood and the words just come out.

“Oh, that’s bullshit, Tony,” Clay snaps, glaring at him. “You've been quiet since we first left. I tried to talk to you multiple times, but you didn't want to talk.”

“I didn't ask you to come.”

The words hurt Clay more than they should.

“No, you didn't,” he agrees, barely controlled anger in his voice. “But I'm here for you, _asshole_.”

 _Fuck. I'm such a fucking asshole_ , Tony thinks, guilt weighing heavily in his chest. This isn't him. He's not this person. He would never treat a friend like the way he's been treating Clay.

But he knows it's easier this way.

 

* * *

 

  
There's a cheap motel only ten minutes away from the diner.

Clay’s falling asleep in the car and Tony’s too tired to drive any longer, so he stops. The motel is called _Don’s_ , and it looks sketchy as hell.

“Hey, Clay,” he gently shakes his friend awake. “Come on, pal. We’re getting a room for the night.”

Clay let’s out a yawn and rubs the back of his neck. He looks at the motel and blinks a few times.

“ _This_ is where we’re staying?”

Tony chuckles and opens the car door. “I know it's no five star hotel, but it's better than sleeping in the car.”

Clay snorts and gets out as well, closing the passenger side door before opening the back door to get his duffle bag.

“I'm not so sure about that,” he says. “And I'm pretty sure this place looks like every motel in every horror movie ever.”

“Really?”

“Have you _ever_ seen a horror movie?”

“Sure I have.” Tony pauses. “A few times. I'm more of an action and comedy kind of guy, you know?” He also enjoys a good romance film, but he doesn't say that part out loud.

Clay scoffs, but there's a hint of a smile on his lips, some of the tension between them dissolving.

They go into the front office where a young woman (who Clay _swears_ is a crackhead) sits behind a desk. She eyes them up with hungry eyes while they check in.

“Here you go, handsome,” she winks.

Tony smiles politely and thanks her before ushering Clay out the door.

Their room isn't anything special. It's not as disgusting as Clay had expected, which is a pleasant surprise.

As if reading his mind, Tony throws his duffel on the bed and says, “Not too bad, huh?”

“I guess not,” Clay replies, setting his bags down before dropping down on his bed. He kicks off his shoes and closes his eyes, not saying anything else.

Tony can't take anymore silence between them. “I'm gonna go shower.”

Clay makes a soft noise of acknowledgment and falls asleep not even a minute later.

It’s embarrassing just how long Tony stands there and watches him.

 

* * *

 

They get breakfast at the same diner in the morning. The tension between them is still there, but it's lighter now. Tony just can't bring himself to push Clay away. Every time he tries, it feels like a knife is slicing at his heart.

It doesn't mean things are 100% good now. Tony knows Clay is still hurt by his words. They were gonna have to talk about it at some point.

“Any idea where we’re heading next?” Clay asks, glancing up from his phone to look at Tony. “My mom wants to know.”

Tony takes a sip of his coffee that actually taste as decent as the coffee at Monet’s.

“No idea,” he admits. “Just...wherever the road takes us.”

Which is fine with Clay, but it's not the kind of answer his mom would want, so he tells her that they haven't figured it out yet.

“So…” Clay starts to say after he sets his phone down, struggling to find the right words. “Are we...okay?”

Tony looks down at his folded arms on the table guiltily. He remembers how it felt when Clay was cold towards him after Hannah died, and now _he's_ doing the exact same thing.

“Yeah, Clay, we’re good,” he says eventually. “I'm sorry, I’m just…”

When he doesn't finish, Clay says, “upset about Brad?”

_That and the fact that I'm so fucking in love with you, I can't even stand it. It's too bad I'll never have you._

It's not like he can say that.

“Yeah,” he sighs.

Luckily the waitress comes over then, bringing one plate of pancakes for Clay and the other filled with sausages and eggs for Tony. They thank her and Clay reaches over for the strawberry syrup, drowning his pancakes in it.

“Jesus, Clay. That shit’s gonna rot your teeth.”

“It's worth it.” Clay cuts off a piece of pancake and shoves it in his mouth, closing his eyes and groaning at the delicious taste.

The sound he makes and look on his face make Tony’s jeans suddenly feel too tight.

How the fuck is he supposed to survive the rest of the summer?


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things will begin to pick up shortly. This is a bit of a slow burn, but only because I don't want it to be unrealistic and have Clay immediately fall in love with Tony and them begin a relationship right away and all of that other stuff. Clay's still in love with Hannah and just isn't looking at his best friend that way right now.
> 
> Or, maybe he is and just doesn't realize it ;)

They check out of the motel once they’re done with breakfast. The tank is nearly empty so Tony finds the nearest gas station.

“I can give you money for gas,” Clay tells him. “I have money saved up from the Crestmont, and my parents gave me some.”

Tony shakes his head. “Don't worry about it, Clay.”

“Are you sure?”

“Positive.” Tony gives him a small smile before getting out the car. “You want anything while I'm in there?”

“Can I have a Coke?” Clay reaches into his pocket to get some money out, but Tony waves him off and heads inside.

After paying the man behind the register for gas and snacks, he goes back out and fills up the tank.

“You sure you don't need to use the bathroom or anything?” Tony knows he sounds like a dad, but he can't even help it.

“I'm good.”

So that's that. Tony starts the car and they start driving west. Clay asks if he can put on the radio, then chooses a classic rock station. _Smells Like Teen Spirit_ by Nirvana plays and Tony cranks the volume all the way up, tapping on the steering wheel to the beat. He can see Clay nodding along out of the corner of his eye.

He can't help but think that _this_ is how the trip should have started in the first place. No tension, no arguing, just them driving all around and singing along to the radio.

And when Clay looks over at him and throws his head back laughing, the happiest Tony’s seen him in a while, it feels _right_.

 

* * *

 

“You ever smoked weed, Clay?” Tony asks him once they’ve stopped again, Tony having pulled into a dead parking lot. He's not a big smoker himself, but he could do with a couple of hits.

Clay gives him a surprised look. “No. Have you?”

“Sometimes I do.” Tony leans across Clay and opens the dashboard before pulling out a baggie and some rolling papers. "You wanna try it?"

Clay hesitates. He doesn't have a problem with marijuana. Note exactly a fan of the smell, but he’s done his research for health class and knows it's not harmful or addictive. It's just that he's never done it before, and the thought of getting high for the first time makes him slightly nervous.

_You know what? Fuck it._

“Okay,” he agrees after a moment. “I'll try it.”

He watches as Tony opens the bag and starts to pick apart the weed inside. When he's done, he takes one of the papers and carefully sprinkles some of the weed into it. Then he rolls the paper perfectly between his fingers and licks the edge of the paper.

“I can go first if you want,” Tony offers. “Show you what to do.”

Clay nods. “Okay.”

Tony digs out a lighter and lights one end of it, breathing in deeply until he can't hold anymore smoke in his lungs. It's not easy, but he manages to keep it in for a good five seconds before he exhales shakily out the open window. Before handing the joint to Clay, he flicks some of the ash out.

“Here.” Tony hands it over, careful not to burn their fingers. “Don't breathe in too hard, okay? At least not at first. It's not necessary to hold in the smoke, but you can.”

Clay takes a deep breath and brings the joint to his lips. He pulls in the smoke, trying not to inhale as deeply as Tony, but his lungs are on fire. He starts to cough violently, tears in his eyes.

“You okay?” Tony asks, trying to hold in a chuckle. He reaches into the backseat and grabs a water bottle before handing it to Clay.

“I think I damaged my lungs,” Clay wheezes, gratefully accepting the water before gulping down half of the bottle.

His friend puts a hand over his shoulder and hums at him fondly.

“Hey, don't worry,” Tony assures him. “It gets easier. You wanna try again?”

Clay coughs again. His first thought is to say no, but he finds himself accepting the joint, curious now to see what all the fuss is about.

“Here,” Tony says, “I’ll help you.” He pushes the end of the joint against the edge of Clay’s lips. “Just hold it here.” His eyes linger briefly on Clay’s lips before he clears his throat and meets the other boy’s eyes.

Tony’s looking at him in a way that Clay can't quite explain, but he holds his gaze as he puts the joint between his lips. The second time is a little easier, though it stills burns and he lets out a few coughs. The smell is strong and the taste is terrible, but his head is starting to feel lighter. It's a pleasant feeling,

Tony pulls the joint away and puffs gently on the joint for a few minutes silently, then hands it back to Clay.

After a few more hits, there’s a big, dopey grin on Clay’s face and he can't get it off. It's like the world is spinning, but not spinning at all. His eyes are heavy and his heart is racing, though he knows it's just from the marijuana.

He gets why people smoke pot now.

When he tells Tony this, his friend starts to laugh, which makes _him_ crack up. They stay like that for what feels like forever, doubling over in their seats, faces red from laughing so hard and tears in their eyes.

Christ, when is the last time they were like this?

When the joint is done and they’re fairly stoned, Tony stubs out the joint. Clay leans back in his seat and closes his eyes, very much enjoying his first high. It's nice to laugh, to feel good, to feel like nothing else matters right now.

Tony snorts.

“What?” Clay asks, barely opening his eyes. “Did I say that all out loud?”

“No, no,” Tony chuckles. “You're just grinning like a dope, that's all.”

“I feel good.”

“Yeah? Good.”

They share another laugh.

Tony puts on the radio after that and they sit in a comfortable silence and listen to music. It's amazing how different it is listening to music high versus listening sober. After a while, the heaviness in Clay’s limbs make him turn around in his seat so he's facing Tony and his head is pressed back against the window. His friend gives him a curious look but says nothing.

“I still miss her,” Clay blurts out.

It takes a moment for the words to sink through the haze in Tony’s mind.

“I know you do, Clay,” he says quietly. “I miss her, too.”

“I just wish I had told her how I felt. Then she’d be alive.”

“If we had _all_ done something different she would be alive. But none of us did, and we can't fix it. We just have to learn how to live with it.”

Clay’s eyes are wet and he voice comes out slightly choked when he speaks. “How the hell are we supposed to do that?”

“By being there for each other.” He puts one hand on Clay’s leg without even realizing it. When he does, he takes it away quickly, like he's been burned.

Clay doesn't comment on it, much to his relief. But he can't bring himself to meet Clay’s eyes, so he puts the car in reverse and begins to back out the parking space before getting them back on the road.

 

* * *

 

_  
Inviting Clay to breakfast was a stupid idea._

_He knew Brad wouldn't be okay with it, but he wanted his boyfriend and best friend to get along. He's sick of Brad getting jealous, sick of seeing how uncomfortable Clay is whenever Brad’s around because his boyfriend always finds a way to make snarky comments._

_Why the fuck he thought the three of them could go out to breakfast without any shit is still a fucking mystery to him._

_Despite the tension, they manage to get halfway through breakfast without any incident. Brad sat stiffly and answered in clipped sentences, but it could have been worse._

_Then Clay asks Tony if he wanted to come over and watch a movie later. After a second, he remembers Brad is there and invites him, too._

_Before Brad can decline, Tony answers, “Sure.” He gives his boyfriend a look, asking him silently to just suck it up and make an effort. But an angry look passed over Brad’s face._

“ _Once again, drop everything just so you can hang out with **him** ,” Brad huffs, shooting Clay an annoyed look._

_Tony frowns. “Brad, we don't have any plans tonight.”_

_“Are you fucking kidding me?” His boyfriend snaps, voice rising slightly. “Are you forgetting that we’re hanging at my house tonight?”_

_Tony absolutely did. And it's not like him to forget things like that._

_“Shit, babe, I'm sorry,” he apologizes instantly. “It completely slipped my mind.”_

_Brad scoffs. “Of course it did.”_

_“Hey, it’s cool,” Clay speaks up, trying to keep the peace. “Maybe some other time.”_

“ _No,” Brad says in a hard tone, “I’d rather not.”_

_He gets up and leaves._

_“Brad, wait,” Tony calls after him, then curses under his breath before shooting Clay an apologetic look. “I have to go after him. I'm sorry. I'll be right back.”_

_Clay nods, completely understanding. “Just tell him I'm sorry, okay? I didn't mean to piss him off.”_

_Tony stands up. “Trust me, Clay, this isn't your fault.” He doesn't wait for Clay to reply before he's running out the door after the man._

_“Brad, come on,” Tony pleads when he catches up to him. “Would you just stop for a second? Please?”_

_Brad spins around, glaring at him. “You told me things would be different once they got better.”_

“ _Things **are** different.”_

“ _No, Tony,” the other man shakes his head, “they’re not. You're still blowing me off to hang with Clay. Now you're even forgetting about our fucking plans. It's been seven months since that girl died. You can't tell me he still needs your help.”_

“He loved her, Brad,” Tony says, voice pleading for him to understand, “and she killed herself. It's gonna take time-”

“Yeah, yeah, I know. It's the same bullshit you gave me seven months ago.”

Now Tony is getting angry, and his voice raises. “It's not bullshit!”

_“Yes, it is!” Brad yells back, pointing a finger at him. “You're just looking for a fuckin’ reason to spend more time with that shithead! If you want him so bad then why don't you just fucking go after him?”_

_The shorter man looks away._

_Brad laughs. “Oh, that's right...he's straight. And he’d rather stay in love with a dead girl.”_

_Tony sucks in a breath._

_“Fuck you,” he snaps._

_Brad exhales sharply. Tony’s never talked to him like that before. In all honesty, it even surprises Tony that the words left his mouth. Then again, Brad’s never pushed him to his limit before. Not like this._

_“This isn't working,” Brad says after a long moment. “I can't do this anymore.”_

_Tony’s heart sinks. “Brad, don't--”_

_“It's over.”_

_“What--what about the trip tomorrow. Huh? We’ve been planning this for months.” Tony hates how weak his voice comes out._

_“I'm not competing with Clay,” Brad snaps. “Take him on the fucking trip.”_

_Tony wants to argue, but he doesn't. Deep down, he knows this is for the best. But it still hurts. He **does** love Brad._

_He just loves Clay more._

_Tears well up in his eyes. He looks away so Brad won't see and nods, jaw twitching. When he doesn't say anything else, Brad says, “Goodbye, Tony,” and starts to walk down the street._

_Tony isn't sure how long he stands there for, trying to keep the tears from spilling over._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm like obsessed with this show and Clony and writing so unless life throws something at me, expect the next chapter tomorrow or the day after.


	4. Chapter 4

Tony waits until Clay’s asleep before he sneaks outside the motel room they got for the night in some town that isn't worth even looking around.

He buys a soda from the vending machine and takes a seat on the steps leading up to more motel rooms, the night air feeling good against his skin after being out in the heat all day. He sits there for a while, watching the cars go by.

Before he can stop himself, he takes out his cell phone and goes into his contacts until he finds the name he's looking for.

 _Brad_.

His fingers hover over the name for a good minute before he sucks it up and hits the call button. It rings three times before he's sent to voicemail.

“Hey, Brad,” he says after the beep. “Uh, I just wanted to see how you're doing. Hope everything's okay. I’m sorry...about Clay. I never meant to hurt you. I tried not to feel anything for him. I'm _still_ trying. And I hope you know that I felt something for you, too.” He pauses. “Feel free to give me a call back sometime. Okay? Bye.”

He hangs up, shoves his phone into his pocket and drops his head in his hands, gripping his hair tightly.  
There are no tears, but he wants to fucking scream.

“Fuck, what do I do?” He asks out loud, voice cracking. “What do I do?”

He doesn't notice Clay standing in the doorway to their room with wide eyes.

* * *

 

Clay stays quiet when they get ready to go out the next morning. He looks at Tony like he wants to say something, but never does.

“You okay?” Tony finally asks him.

Clay nods, not meeting his eyes. “I'm fine.”

Tony doesn't push it.

They stop and get coffee at a local Dunkin Donuts. When they come back out, Tony whistles to get Clay’s attention and throws him the keys, snorting when the taller boy misses and scrambles to pick them up.

“You said you know how to drive, right?” He asks.

“I mean, for the most part, yeah,” Clay says. “My dad taught me. You know I don't have a license, right?”

“I trust you,” Tony tells him. “And I can use a nap. Just don't kill us.”

“Okay.” Clay hesitates. “Um, where are we going?”

Tony moves to open the passenger side door. “Wherever you wanna go, Clay.”

“Uh, are you sure about that? Because I'm pretty sure that's gonna end in disaster.”

“Like I said, Clay,” Tony gets in the car, “I trust you. If it's easier for you, just keep heading straight.”

Clay looks down at the keys and nods. “Okay.” He grips them in his hand as he gets into the car.

“Foot on the break,” Tony says once he's buckled and the mirrors are adjusted. “Then turn the car on.”

“I know _that_ much,” Clay rolls his eyes.

Tony just smirks and puts on a pair of sunglasses before getting comfortable in his seat. The car suddenly jerks forward and he winces, moving the sunglasses up a bit to see what the hell happened.

“Sorry,” Clay mutters. “I put the car in drive instead of reverse by accident.”

Maybe Tony won't be getting much sleep after all.

 

* * *

 

 

 _His hands are covered in blood. Hannah’s bloo_ d.

_It's him standing next to the bathtub where she bleeds out. He opens his mouth to scream for help, but it's like his vocal cords have been ripped out. All he can do is stand there with his hands soaked in her blood._

_“Please,” she whimpers, “help me.”_

_Someone says, “Tony.” It's not coming from Hannah._

_Tony drops to his knees._

“ _Come on, Hannah, stay with me,” he pleads, though he knows it's useless. “You're gonna be okay, all right? You're gonna be fucking fine.”_

_His name is repeated, louder this time and slightly panicked. He ignores it, eyes glued to the girl in front of him._

_“Why couldn't you help me when I was alive?” She whispers, eyes filled with pain and anger._

_Tony drops his head onto the tub. “I'm so sorry, Hannah,” he croaks. “I should have done something sooner.”_

Clay shakes him. “ _Tony!"_

Tony jerks awake, his knee hitting under the dashboard. He takes one look at Clay, sees the wide, worried blue eyes that flicker between him and the road.

“Pull over,” he gasps.

Clay looks over at him, face even more pale than usual. “Okay, just--shit. Just wait a minute--” He glances in the mirror to see if there are any cars behind them before he pulls onto the side of the road on the highway.

As soon as the car comes to a stop, Tony quickly unbuckles his seatbelt with shaky fingers and gets out of the car, his stomach rolling and heart pounding. He doubles over and vomits, gasping for breath as he does so.

Clay stands back against the car, waiting. After a few more heaves Tony’s done, and he stands back up, wiping his mouth on the back of his hand. He tilts his head back and closes his eyes.

Fuck. When’s the last time he's had a nightmare about Hannah?

“Tony?” Clay speaks up.

“Don't,” Tony warns him, opening his eyes. “Not now.”

Clay opens his mouth to speak, then shuts it and nods. “Okay.”

Tony walks past him and gets into the driver's side of the car. After a moment, Clay joins him.

“Are you sure you don't want me to drive?”

“I'm fine, Clay,” Tony sighs, checking over his shoulder to make sure no cars are coming before he pulls out back onto the road.

“No, you're not, Tony,” Clay argues. “You were calling out Hannah’s name in your sleep.”

 _Shit_. “I had a dream about her. Okay? It's happened before.”

“How often?” Clay asks.

“Pretty often after she died. They stopped after a couple of months.”

“So this is the first one you've had in awhile?”

“Yup.”

Clay’s eyes practically burn a hole in the side of his head. “Dude, why didn't you tell me?”

“Because you had your own shit going on, Clay.” Tony doesn't mean to snap at him. It's not Clay’s fault he may or may not be getting nightmares again. “I just...I dealt with it on my own, okay?”

Clay shakes his head in disbelief. “You shouldn't have had to.” Tony doesn't respond. “Did you at least tell Brad?”

Tony let's out a humorous laugh. “Yeah, I did. He was real helpful.”

“Look, Tony, if you want to talk about it--”

“Just leave it alone, Clay!” Tony says sharply, making the other boy jump. “For fucks sake, just--leave it.”

The mixture of hurt and surprise on Clay’s face makes his heart break.

“Fine,” Clay snaps back. “Whatever, Tony. You know, maybe this whole fucking trip was a mistake.”

Tony laughs humorlessly. “A mistake? Clay, this trip was supposed to be for me and Brad.”

“Oh, and I'm the reason why it's not anymore, right?” Clay scoffs and shakes his head. “I'm the reason why you two broke up.”

Tony doesn't want to do this, doesn't want to argue with Clay anymore. The weight on his shoulders is taking it's toll on him and he doesn't know how much more he can take before he completely snaps.

“That's not true, Clay,” he lies again, because lying to Clay about this is better than telling the truth.

But then Clay says, “I heard you on the phone last night. I know the truth.” He says it softly, more gentle, but there's still a hint of anger in his voice.

Tony’s heart stops.

“I--Clay, I--” It's like his mind goes completely blank. He has _no_ fucking idea what to say right now. He's not going to deny it, but he's not ready to talk about this, either. Clay was never meant to find out. Never. Tony would have taken it to his grave instead of telling his best friend about his feelings.

Because he would rather have Clay around as a friend than never have him at all.

“Forget it,” Clay mutters, turning his head to stare out the window.

 _I've completely fucked things up,_ Tony thinks, dread filling him. _I'm gonna lose him._

And he's not sure if he’d survive it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So just so everyone is aware, the last line doesn't mean Tony will kill himself if he lost Clay or anything like that. I'm only mentioning this because my friend read over the chapter and thought that's what I meant. So...yeah. Just putting it out there in case anyone else is confused or took it that way.
> 
>  Also, Clay knows about Tony's feelings now, but we still have ways to go before anything happens. I mentioned this last chapter but...yeah. Thank you so much for reading <3


	5. Chapter 5

Going home would be pointless. The whole point of this trip was to get away from that fucking town and all it's drama. And with how far they already are, there's no way Tony’s driving all the way back home now.

Sure, shit’s been even more awkward with Clay since yesterday after their fight, but his friend hasn't mentioned anything about wanting to go home, so Tony won't, either.

They stop at another gas station. Clay jumps out of the car as soon as it stops and walks into the store. Tony waits a few minutes before he sighs and goes in after him.

Clay's at the fridge in the back when Tony enters. He pays for gas and some snacks while he waits. Clay doesn't even look him in the eye when he comes up to pay for his drink and chips, which makes Tony feel like absolute shit.

“Here,” he says, holding out a bag of starbursts. “Bought these for you.”

“Thanks,” is all Clay says. He takes it, their fingers brushing when he does so.

“No problem.” Tony pulls back awkwardly and they both walk back to the car.

 

* * *

 

Tony takes a shower first when they get to a new motel. It's a good thing he's been saving up money for a while, otherwise he wouldn't be able to afford all these different motels.

The water feels good on his skin. He leans his head back against the tiles and closes his eyes with a hum, the tension in his muscles relaxing from the hot water. When he's done, he puts on his clothes, brushes his teeth, and leaves the bathroom.

“Might wanna wait for the hot water to come back on,” he says to Clay, who's watching some stupid TV show that they both don't know the name of.

“Yeah. Okay.”

“Clay…” Tony drops down onto his bed and runs a hand over his face. “I'm sorry, okay? I was an asshole.”

Clay looks at him and the hard look on his face disappears. He still doesn't look happy, but he doesn't look angry now. “Don't worry about it, Tony. I was an asshole, too. I'm sorry.”

“You weren't being an asshole.”

“I shouldn't have brought up the conversation between you and Brad. I...that wasn't cool. So...I'm sorry.” He mentions nothing about what Tony admitted.

“It’s fine, Clay. Really.” Tony lays down on the bed, the pillow underneath his head surprisingly comfy.

They watch the TV for a few minutes in silence before Clay says, “thank you.”

Tony’s eyebrows furrow. “For what?”

“Everything,” Clay shrugs half-heartedly. “You've done a lot for me ever since Hannah died. I never thanked you for that, and I should have.” He clasps his hands together on his lap, looking down at them with a guilty look.

“Well...you're welcome, Clay.”

Clay looks up and smiles softly at him. Tony smiles back.

“Let's not fight anymore, okay?” Clay says. “Let’s just enjoy the rest of the trip.”

Tony nods. “Yeah. Sounds good to me.”

Clay gets up and grabs his things for the shower before heading into the bathroom. When Tony hears the water turn on, he grabs an already rolled joint from his bag and heads outside.

He lights the joint and takes a hit, takes out his cell phone and types a text out to Brad, then deletes it. He starts to type it out again--and deletes it.

Fuck, he's pathetic.

He gives up and sticks his phone back in his pocket. He sits down on the curb and smokes the joint until Clay comes out and joins him, hair wet and looking so adorable in that moment that Tony can't help but stare.

Also, being high doesn't help him, either.

“Everything okay?” Clay asks.

“Oh, yeah, uh--” Tony holds up the joint. “Came out for a smoke.”

Clay comes to sit down next to him and wordlessly takes the joint from Tony when it's offered to him.

“Did you try and call Brad?”

Tony shakes his head. “Tried texting him, but I decided not to. Don't really know what to say.”

Clay grimaces and nods, understanding.

“Anyway,” the shorter boy continues, “enough about Brad. We’re here to have fun, right?”

“Right,” Clay answers automatically. “Fuck Brad.”

“Yeah. Fuck Brad.”

 

* * *

 

“Hey, Clay?” Tony says later on when they’re both in bed.

“Yeah?” He hears the other boy mumble tiredly.

“Thanks for not leaving. You know, after you overheard the voicemail I left for Brad.”

“What?” Clay is suddenly wide awake. He sits up and turns on the lamp, and peers over at Tony. “Tony, I would never do that.”

Tony smiles, more to himself than Clay.

“I wouldn't blame you if you did,” he says. Clay’s about to argue, but Tony cuts him off and says, “It makes you uncomfortable.”

Clay let's out a sigh and rubs his eyes. “Look, that’s not true. You're my best friend, Tony. Whatever you...feel for me...it doesn't change anything.”

Despite the relief Tony feels at hearing this, it also makes his chest ache.

“Thanks, Clay,” he says. “Just know that I'm not asking anything of you.”

It's amazing to him how calm Clay is about the whole thing, how he's still fucking _here_ , after everything.

Clay just watches him with gentle eyes. Tony’s fingers grip the blanket, holding tight for a minute, resisting something. He just doesn't know exactly what it is.

Finally, he gets out of bed and nods at the door.

“I'm gonna grab something from the vending machine,” he says. “You want anything?”

“No. I'm good,” Clay answers, looking like he wants to say something else but he's holding back.

Tony nods and leaves.

This is what Clay came on this trip for, huh? Greasy diner food, shitty motel rooms with even shittier cable, long car rides spent in complete silence except for the radio and tapes Tony plays, and they can't even hold a conversation anymore.

They’re good for now, he thinks. They’ve made up. But Tony thinks back to the past couple of weeks and an overwhelming sense of guilt fills him. He's been nothing but a miserable asshole since they left, and he's making Clay, someone he cares about more than anything, miserable as well.

 

* * *

 

They fill up on sandwiches and more snacks for the road. Tony buys Clay some sunglasses, because Clay’s been complaining about the sun blinding him. He gets a douchey-looking pair as a joke, but they end up looking good on Clay.

“I kind of like them,” Clay says, turning them over in his hand.

“Well, good thing I bought ‘em, then.”

Clay wears them the entire time they drive.

After a few hours, Tony pulls into a park so they can eat lunch and they spread their food out over a picnic table. Clay picks tomatoes off his sandwich with a such a disgusted look on his face that it makes Tony laugh.

“So,” Clay says when he's done, “have you heard about Jessica and Alex?”

Tony shakes his head. “No. What about them?”

“They’re back together. Jessica posted a picture of them kissing on instagram.”

A week after everyone's deposition, Bryce’s body was found in his pool house, a bullet in his head. Justin disappeared right after that and no one's seen him since.

“Yeah?” Tony gives a nod of approval. “That's good. I'm happy for them. They deserve to be happy.”

“Yeah.” Clay pauses. “So do you, you know.”

At this, Tony forces a smile. “Thanks, Clay. You, too.”

 

* * *

 

Dinner is at a parking lot of a grocery store because they both decide they want to go a day without takeout, but they end up going to the MCdonald's across the street because they couldn't decide on what to get.

When they’re done, Tony drives out of the town until there's nothing but fields stretching out in front of them for miles.

Clay wakes up when the car comes to a halt. Tony gets out of the car and goes to pop open the trunk. Clay gets out as well and looks at him in confusion, probably concerned that Tony may have had another nightmare.

“Forgot I even had these,” Tony chuckles, taking out two bottles of beer.

“Beer, really?” Clay makes a face. “Can't we just smoke pot again?”

“Turning into a stoner, Clay?”

“Haha, very funny. I would just rather be high than ever be drunk again."

Tony rolls his eyes. “One bottle of beer this size won't get you drunk, man. Trust me. Besides, there's something I wanna show you.” He closes the trunk and hands the beer to Clay. “Come on.”

“Where are we going?” Clay asks.

“Nowhere.” Tony hops onto the Mustang’s hood, stretches out and leans against the windshield. “I wanna show you something.”

“And it's on the hood of the car?”

“No, Clay,” Tony huffs out a laugh. “You just have to be on the hood of the car to see it.”

“Oh.” Clay cracks open his beer, sniffs it in distaste, then takes a swig. He slides onto the hood next to Tony. Tony gestures with his own bottle towards the sky and Clay looks up, eyes widening ever so slightly.

“Holy shit,” he says in amazement, “I've never seen so many stars before.”

Tony nudges his shoulder. “It's awesome, right?”

The other boy hums thoughtfully and takes another drink.

They drink in silence for a while. Tony tosses their empty beer bottles onto the ground for the time being. Theirs shoulders are pressed against one another. Clay doesn't move away, so Tony doesn't either.

“I remember sitting with Hannah on the roof of the crestmont last year,” Clay says after a while. “I wanted to show her the moon.”

In the end, it always came back to Hannah. Always.

“Sounds nice,” Tony says.

“Yeah.”

Clay looks at him. Tony looks back. Clay licks his lips and Tony’s eyes follow the movement, heart starting to speed up. His hands twitch against Clay’s arm, the back of his fingers brushing against his wrists.

Then Clay ruins the moment. “I don't know if I'll ever get over her, Tony. I don't know if I can move on.”

“You can, Clay.” Tony sighs, looking away. “It's just gonna take more time than you thought. The healing process is different for everyone when they lose someone they loved.”

“I guess so. I just wish...I wish I could move on _now_. I mean, I loved Hannah. She was the first and only girl I fell in love with. But she's not here. And I don’t want to love a dead girl forever.”

Tony isn't sure what to say to that. He shifts and it causes him to press closer to Clay.

“You're gonna be okay, Clay. I promise.”

“Yeah. That's what everyone's been telling me, but I have yet to see it happen.”

The words leave Tony’s mouth without thinking about it. “You'll always have me, you know. Whatever you need, I'm here for you. Always have been, and I always will be.”

Clay keeps on looking at him. When Tony looks back, Clay smiles and says, “I know, Tony. And I hope you know that you'll always have me, too.”

In moments like these...Tony wishes he could lean forward and kiss Clay.

He swallows and turns back to watch the sky.

 


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's a new chapter with some minor Clony thrown in for you all. You may hate me at the end, though.
> 
> Also, "132 prompts" will be updated within the next few days. 
> 
> Thank you for reading and leaving comments and kudos. You guys are amazing<3

The next day, Tony makes the decision to take Clay to his uncle’s cabin.

It was supposed to be a surprise for Brad, but he wasn't going to go after Brad broke up with him. He wasn't even going to take Clay. But now things are good between them again and, well, why the hell not?

Clay has no problem with going, so they drive for hours and hours with stops to rest in-between. His uncle’s cabin is all the way in Montana so it takes a while to get there. At least things aren't awkward between them anymore so the car ride isn't uncomfortabley silent.

When they get there, they bring their bags inside. Clay looks around the cabin while Tony checks out the cupboards. There are only a few cans of food and some clean dishes.

“We’re gonna need to go to the grocery store at some point later,” Tony says. “Unless you want takeout again.”

Clay’s nose wrinkles. “I think I've had enough takeout to last me a lifetime.”

“The grocery store it is then.”

“Man, I'm beat,” Clay groans, flopping down onto the couch. It's only two in the afternoon, but the idea of lying around for the rest of the afternoon, maybe having a shower and a nap, is very appealing.

“You wanna shower first?” Tony asks.

“Yeah,” Clay says. He starts to get up off the couch but his legs refuse to move. “On second thought, maybe not.”

Tony chuckles and grabs a change of clothes and heads into the bathroom down the hall. Clay rests against the couch and leans his head back, staring at the ceiling for a couple of minutes. He feels exhaustion deep in his bones, and he may just end up falling asleep on the couch.

Tony’s phone chimes from where he left it on the coffee table in front of the couch. Clay leans forward, just to see who it's from. However, when he sees it's from Brad, his eyes scan the text appearing on the lock screen.

**From: Brad**

**Can we talk? I miss you**

Clay scoffs, because what an asshole. If he didn't care about Tony getting pissed at him, he would answer the douche bag.

**From: Brad**

**Will you always be in love with Clay?**

Clay turns the screen off immediately.

He dozes for a few minutes, trying not to think about what that text said. It's not that he's trying to be an asshole and ignore the fact that Tony has feelings for him, but he doesn't know how to handle it right now. Tony’s his best friend. And he's always seen himself as straight. He doesn't think he's bisexual, but there have been moments over the past few weeks where he had to think about it for a moment.

He just...he can't think about the possibility of a relationship with Tony right now. He needs to properly move on from Hannah before anything else.

Tony comes out of the bathroom again, smelling like soap.

Clay sits up and rubs his eyes. He turns to watch Tony refold his clean laundry.

“Hey, uh, Brad texted you twice,” he says.

Tony looks up at him in surprise. “He did?”

Clay yawns and nods. “Yeah. Maybe you should text him back.”

Tony is quiet for a minute, then says, “yeah, maybe,” glancing at him over his shoulder.

Clay wonders if he should say something else, or if he shouldn't have said anything at all.

“Right,” he clears his throat. “I hope you saved me some hot water.”

 

* * *

 

The next day, Tony spends the better part of the morning sitting on a rock by the lake. The sky’s overcast, threatening to rain, and there's a breeze coming down from the mountains that makes him shiver. But the fresh air is nice, and the slightly chilly weather is a nice change from the 90 degree weather that he and Clay have had to deal with.

Eventually the anger at himself and Brad were gone and all that's left is guilt that sits heavily in the pit of his stomach. Tony crawls back into the Mustang and drives in the direction of the cabin, stopping at a gas station to fill up.

He goes inside to pay, the store quiet. The cashier gives him a dirty look, and Tony wonders if it's because of his race, or if it's because the guy actually has to do his job now.

He lingers, grabbing two cans of soup, some junk food, and a frozen pizza. Tony pays as quickly as he can, grabs his bags, and heads outside. He's not paying attention, and ends up bumping into someone. Tony starts to apologize, but then he takes a look at the man’s face.

Shit.

Tony drops the bags.

“Long time no see,” the guy says. “What's wrong, don't recognize your boy Lucas no more?”

Tony backs up, moves so he can see the road, the entrance.

“Lucas,” Tony says. “Yeah. Sorry--It’s just, uh...I wasn't expecting to see you here.”

“Was actually here to see your brother. Heard he was coming up here and wanted to pay him a little visit. I heard you guys are out of the game,” Lucas replies, almost threateningly as his eyes flash and he takes a step forward.

“That's not who we wanted to be anymore. And you seriously came all this fucking way to see my brother?” Tony keeps walking back, until he can't see his car anymore and they’ve rounded the back of the building, a brick wall on one side of him and a line of tall trees on the other.

“I wasn't too far from here. I had to do a favor for someone,” Lucas says. “And you gotta miss it, don't ya? The money, the power. Especially with you bein’ butt buddies with the boss and all.”

Tony clenches his fists but doesn't respond.

“Course,” Lucas continues, “I guess that was before your shithead brother ratted him out.”

Tony steps closer to the wall. Lucas follows.

“You didn't even try and stop him, did you?” Lucas snarls. “Your brother sent my brother to jail and you did fuck-all about it!”

Tony pulls his fist back and slams it into Lucas’ face. Lucas stumbles back with a shout and Tony makes a run for it.

“You fucking faggot!” He hears Lucas shout from behind him. He's quicker than the man, though, and is in his car and driving away just before Lucas can get to him.

“I'll find you, Padilla!” Lucas screams.

Tony sticks his finger out the window and flips him off.

* * *

 

The cabin is quiet when Tony gets back. Clay was awake when he left.

He knows it's ridiculous, but a part of him wonders if Clay finally had enough and left. It was stupid, because they were in fucking Montana, and how would Clay get home?

He exhales slowly, scraping a hand down his face, and puts the food away before heading into the bathroom to shower and try to calm his nerves.

Clay is doing something on his phone when Tony gets out of the bathroom.

Tony pauses in the doorway of the bedroom, just looking for a minute, before he enters and moves towards his bed.

“I thought maybe you had left,” Clay jokes, putting his phone down.

“For a second I stupidly thought you were gone, too.”

Tony must not look so good, because Clay takes a look at him and asks, “Tony, what it is? What happened?”

“Nothing Clay,” Tony says quietly. Clay, unsurprisingly, doesn't look convinced. “I'm gonna go make breakfast.”

He starts to walk away, but stops.

“Clay, be honest...why haven't you left yet?” He asks.

Clay stares up at him, eyes furrowed. “Why would I?”

Tony doesn't answer.

“Well, why haven't you, Tony?” Clay shoots back. “I mean...I'm clearly the reason why you're so miserable. So why are you still here?”

Fuck. This is fucking stupid. But Clay is solid, Clay is strong. Stronger than he was before Hannah died. Clay is the one who supports him, and he's the one who always supports Clay. Despite everything, despite all the shit that's happened.

_Fuck this._

Tony turns around and steps forward, sliding his knee on to the mattress, right next to Clay’s hip. Clay swallows. Tony slides his other knee into place on the opposite side. Hands sliding up Clay’s arms, his shoulders.

“Tony, what are you doing?” Clay asks, voice shaky.

“You can tell me to stop. I will--right away.” Tony takes a deep breath. “Or, you can just let me try this. Just once. And if you hate me for it after, Clay, I’ll drive you home. Whatever you want.”

Clay’s lips part, eyes wide, and says nothing.

So Tony leans in, very carefully.

He brushes their lips together, soft, his chest tight. Clay doesn't respond at first, but he ends up kissing him back, hands coming to rest on Tony’s thighs, sliding up to his hips. Tony shifts closer, pushes harder when Clay opens up underneath him and lets Tony slip his tongue into his mouth. Tony breaks away and moves to Clay’s jaw, down to his neck, under his ear.

“Tony,” Clay says again, his fingers tightening on his hips. “I don't...shit. I don't…”

“It's okay, Clay,” Tony murmurs, pressing closer because Clay actually has a grip on him. He's actually holding him, actually starting to get that nice flush in his cheeks.

And just like that, the moments over.

“No, Tony, stop.” Clay gently pushes Tony off of him and stands up, running a hand through his hair and breathing hard. The look on his face makes Tony’s stomach drop.

“Shit, Clay...I'm sorry. I didn't…” Tony isn't sure what to say. Clay has regret written all over his face.

“I just can't, Tony. I'm sorry.” Clay puts his face in his hands.

A lump forms in Tony’s throat. “So am I.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The idea of Tony having a dark past intrigued me too much, so I had to throw it in there.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm overwhelmed by the response from you guys. Thank you so, so much. As someone who struggles with severe depression, your comments light up my day, as cheesy as it sounds.

The smell of something cooking is what wakes Clay up. His mouth starts to water at the smell and he climbs out of bed, grabbing some clothes and gets dressed. After brushing his teeth and hair, he heads downstairs.

Tony is drying a plate with a dishtowel, setting it down and looking up at Clay when he enters the kitchen. Tony fiddles with the towel and then gestures to the stove.

“I'm making breakfast,” he says. “Hungry?”

“Starving, actually.”

Tony grabs another plate and sets it on the table across from his own. Clay hasn't made any move to sit down, frozen where he stands. A part of him wants to run. Another part wants to talk about this.

He swallows and sits down, the memory of last night playing in his mind.

Tony grabs Clay’s plate when the food is ready and fills it with eggs and bacon, hands it to Clay, and fills his own before taking a seat.

He shifts uncomfortably, fingers twitching.

They don't talk. They probably _should_ talk like normal people, normal people who aren't fucking broken, burnt-out. Tony wants to ask if Clay’s okay with what happened, but he can't even bring himself to do that. He doesn't want to know the answer.

So instead, Tony says, “I ran into someone yesterday. Someone who's...not exactly a friend. He may come looking for me. I thought you should know.”

Clay stops chewing and sets down his fork.

“At the gas station,” Tony continues. “He, uh--he recognized me. We have bad history.”

Clay just swallows and looks down at his plate. “Oh.”

Tony scrubs a hand down his face and huffs out a laugh. “Christ...this was a bad idea.”

“You mean in general?” Clay asks after a minute, looking back up. “Or…”

Both. Neither-- _fuck_. Tony lets his hand slide from the table. This whole thing was a bad idea, right from the beginning. He never should have let Clay come.

Lately his life has just been a series of bad ideas, one right after another.

Clay just nods, looking down at his plate again. After a minute he grabs it, grabs his knife and fork and gets up. Tony watches as he goes outside to eat alone.

“Good talk,” Tony sighs.

 

* * *

 

  
There's a bar just outside of town that serves minors. Tony knows this because he and his brothers used to sneak out when their parents were asleep and go there for a drink or two.

And, to be honest, he could use a drink. Or ten. Or twenty.

But he can't drive home if he's going to be drinking, so when he tells Clay where he's going, the boy offers to go with him.

“I’d rather you get home safely,” Clay says. “I won't drink.”

The fact that Clay is willing to push their problems aside just so he can make sure Tony is safe is incredible.

Clay doesn't say anything on the way over. Not that Tony expects him to. Their silent car rides are something he's getting used to. And it’s not like Clay's no longer pissed at him. He's just tagging along, but not participating.

Tony really needs a fucking drink.

The bar is a total dump, but no one pays any attention to them when they enter and head towards the bar, except for one woman in a tight red dress and high heels who whistles at them when they pass. Clay looks awkward and out of place, but he's a good sport about it.

“Have you done this before?” Clay speaks up.

Tony looks up at him. “What, come to a bar?”

“Yeah.”

“Only when I'm here.” Tony nudges Clay, thankful when the taller boy doesn't “You sure you're fine with staying here and watching me drink all night? Can't be very fun for you.”

“I can find ways to entertain myself,” Clay shrugs. “I might even go play a game of pool with those guys.” He nods towards the pool table and Tony sees three tall, muscled men with tattoos in the middle of an intense game.

“That's gonna turn into a trip to the hospital,” Tony snorts into his glass.

“I don't know. They look pretty friendly to me.”

The bartender, a man who doesn't look much older than the two boys, smiles at Tony almost seductively when he comes over.

“What can I get you?” He asks, only talking to Tony.

Tony flushes a little. “Uh, just a whiskey, please.”

Clay clears his throat. “I'll have a soda,” he says flatly, eyes slightly narrowed.

The waiter barely even glances at him as he nods and goes to get their drinks. When he comes back over, he slides Clay his drink over a little forcefully, and leans his elbows on the bar.

“He your boyfriend?” He asks softly, nodding at Clay, whose attention is now on the television.

Tony shakes his head. “No, just a friend.”

“So...does that mean you're available after my shift ends?” The waiter smirks.

“You get right to the point, don't you?” Tony doesn't mind. This guy is pretty cute, with green eyes and dirty blonde hair. He looks built as well, and he pictures what he looks like without his clothes on.

 _When's the last time I've had sex?_ It has to be a while for sure. He and Brad’s sex life was practically non-existent towards the end of their relationship.

“Is that a yes?”

Tony takes a sip of his drink. “What's your name?”

“Matt. You?”

“Tony. When does your shift end, Matt?”

Matt grins. “Half hour.”

“See you in a half hour, then.”

Matt gives him another wink and walks away to tend to the other customers. Clay stopped paying attention to the television and was glaring at Matt, hand clenched around his glass.

“Seriously, Tony?” He shakes his head in disbelief. “You _just_ met the guy.”

Tony shrugs. “So?”

“So--so--well, what if he tries to, like, murder you? Then what?”

“Clay,” Tony chuckles, “no one’s getting murdered.”

“You don't know that! And I just...I don't like it, Tony,” Clay says, though he isn't sure why. Tony’s a big boy. He can take care of himself.

Tony gives him a look. “You don't have to. You're just my friend, Clay, remember? You made that clear.”

Clay drops his eyes for a moment, a look on his face that Tony can't explain. Remorse, maybe? But why would Clay look remorseful? He hasn't done anything wrong. It's Tony being the asshole right now. It's _him_ hurting his best friend over nothing. Clay isn't into him. Why can't he accept that instead of being a dick about it?

Things were much easier when Clay was unaware of his feelings.

“Fine,” Clay finally says, face hardening. “Do what you want, Tony. I'm out of here." He reaches into his pocket, pulls out a couple of bills and drops them onto the bar, and then gets up and storms out. 

Tony sits there for a second. Then he gets up and follows.

Clay’s back is tense and his fists are balled as he storms over to the car. Tony nearly has to run to catch up with him.

Damn this kid and his long legs.

“Clay, wait,” he calls. “You don't have to go.”

“Yeah, I do,” Clay says in a hard voice.

“And how are you gonna get home, buddy? I have the keys.”

Clay curses under his breath, closes his eyes for a moment, then turns around to face his friend.

“Don't go with him,” he says. “Please.”

“Why?” Tony takes a step forward. “Why, Clay? Why can't I go with him?”

“Because…” Clay hesitates. “I don't want you to.”

Tony shakes his head, starts to turn around. “Well, I'm sorry, Clay, but that's not a good enough reason.”

Clay grabs his arm, stopping him. “Look, Tony, I'm sorry that I'm having trouble getting over Hannah. I'm trying, man.”

And then Tony asks the number one question.

“Do you ever see us together as more than friends?"

Clay looks taken aback. It takes him a good minute before he finds his voice.

“I don't know,” he says honestly. “I just know that I don't want you with him.”

Tony chuckles, absolutely no humor in his tone, and he shakes his head. “I can't wait around for you to decide, Clay. It's killing me. So when you decide, you know where I am.” With that, he turns around and starts to walk away.

“So that's it?” Clay calls after him, arms held open and hurt in his voice. “You're just gonna walk away?”

Tony stops. A lump forms in his throat.

“Yeah, Clay,” he says, voice shaky. “I'm the one walking away this time.”

He goes back inside, leaving Clay to stand there by himself.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last cliffhanger for a few chapters or so, I promise! Also, don't worry, the slow burn won't last much longer ;)


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, you guys win. Here's Clony for you :) Hope I did them justice and none of you are disappointed. 
> 
> Also, I recommend listening to Sign of the Times by Harry Styles either during you're reading this, or after you read this.
> 
> Thanks everyone for the support <3 love you all!

“I don't know what to do,” Clay whispers.

**_Just stop you're crying, it's a sign of the Times  
Welcome to the final show   
I hope you're wearing your best clothes._ **

He has one bottle of Vodka in his hand that he found in one of the cabinets, most likely belonging to Tony’s parents. In the other hand is a picture of Hannah that he took from Tyler.

The sky is beautiful at night. He's sitting on a boulder near the cabin that overlooks more of the town. It's right on the edge of a giant cliff, which would normally probably freak him out just a little bit, but he isn't even thinking about it right now.

He takes another swig of the bottle and looks up at the stars.

“Hannah, are you up there?” He finds himself saying. “Can you...can you hear me?”

**_You can't bribe the door on your way to the sky  
You look pretty good down here  
But you ain’t really good._ **

“Everything is so fucked up,” he chokes out, a huge lump forming in his throat as tears start to burn his eyes. “Tony’s in love with me, and I can’t even…” He cuts himself off, takes another big drink. “I told him I wasn't sure if I could see us together. And you know what the terrifying part is? I don't think it's true. I've never...I’ve never looked at another guy like that before, but it's different with Tony. And I don't know how to handle that. I don't know what to.”

He climbs to his feet. " _I don't know what to do!”_ He screams loudly, voice echoing.

Then he throws the bottle against a tree, watching as it shatters

**_We never learn, we been here before  
Why are we always stuck and running from the bullets? The bullets?_ **

“Or maybe I do,” he chuckles softly, brushing a tear away with the back of his hand. “Maybe I know exactly what I should do.”

He looks down at the picture, a tear dropping onto it where Hannah’s face is. He wipes it away and stares at for God-knows how long. If he's going to do this, then he wants to remember what she looked like. Because this is the last time he’ll allow himself to look at her for a long time.

It's time to let go of Hannah Baker.

No matter how much his heart hurts at the thought of it.

**_We never learn, we been here before  
Why are we always stuck and running from the bullets? The bullets?_ **

He walks over to the edge of the cliff.

“Hannah, I will always love you,” he cries, squeezing his eyes shut for a moment as tears roll down his cheeks before opening them again at the sky. “But I have to let you go now.”

Clay holds the photo in both his hands from the top and whispers, “I'm so sorry.”

He tears the photo in half and throws the two pieces over the side the cliff.

**_Just stop you're crying, it's a sign of the times  
We gotta get away from here  
We gotta get away from here_ **

For a moment, he feels like he's about to have a panic attack. His breathing is picking up, chest starting to tighten, and his whole body is shaking.

And then it's just one word that stops him. Just one name.

 _Tony_.

Tony, his best friend, his partner.

Tony, who loved him probably more than anyone's ever loved him before.

Tony, who would do absolutely _anything_ for him.

And Tony, who reached for the space between them and pulled, trying to make Clay understand how much he wanted him, how much he needed him. And all he wanted was for those feelings to be returned.

Just yesterday Clay didn't know if he felt that way or if he ever would. He isn't sure what changed. Maybe nothing changed. Maybe he's always felt this way and is only realizing it now.

**_Just stop your crying, it'll be alright  
They told me that the end is near  
We gotta get away from here_ **

Tony’s with that douche-nozzle Matt. But if Clay hurries, maybe he can make it back to the bar before they leave.

Clay calls a cab, ends up with the same fucking cab driver who took him home (and it makes for an awkward car ride when the guy says, " _you again?"),_ and pays him extra to step on the gas and hurry to the bar.

* * *

  
**_Just stop your crying, have the time of your life  
Breaking through the atmosphere   
And things are pretty good from here_ **

Tony heads right into the bathroom after drink number three and locks the door before he lets himself feel it. The frustration, the hurt. He goes over to the sink and grips it hard.

“Fuck,” he hisses.

And then he pulls his fists back and slams it into the bathroom mirror. It shatters loudly and Tony’s hand stings like a bitch, blood running down his knuckles.

**_Remember everything will be alright  
We can meet again somewhere  
Somewhere far away from here_ **

Fuck this. Fuck not having control over how he feels. Fuck being stuck in this shitty situation. Fuck not being good enough for Clay Jensen.

**_We never learn, we been here before  
Why are we always stuck and running from the bullets? The bullets?_ **

After five minutes of trying to calm himself down, he lets go of the sink and backs away, then goes into one of the stalls to grab some toilet paper to wrap around his hand for now. Matt’s probably going to be pissed that he broke the mirror, but he doesn't give a shit. He’ll fucking pay for it if he has to.

Tony wipes his eyes, takes a deep breath and goes back out to wait for Matt to finish. The man is handsome, but he's not who Tony really wants.

But he'll do for now.

* * *

  
**_We never learn, we been here before  
Why are we always stuck and running from the bullets? The bullets?_ **

“Should I wait here for you?” The driver asks sarcastically when he pulls up to the bar.

Clay doesn't reply, just throws the cash at him and runs inside as quickly as he can. As soon as he enters he pauses, looking around frantically for Tony.

And then he spots him.

Matt isn't around, but Tony is leaning against the bar with his leather jacket on, looking almost miserable while he stands there.

“Tony!” Clay calls out to him, which earns him some looks from people.

Tony’s eyes snap to his and his expression turns into shock.

“Clay?” He breathes.

That's all it takes. Clay walks over to him, never taking his eyes off Tony, and pushes him back against the bar before covering his mouth with his own.

**_Just stop your crying, it's a sign of the times  
We gotta get away from here  
We gotta get away from here_ **

The kiss isn't soft and sweet. It's fierce and it's filled with need and want and desire. It's filled with everything unspoken between them, all the words Clay wants to say being poured into that kiss. One hand is gripping Tony’s jacket while the other is cradling the back of his head.

It takes Tony only a second to respond before he's kissing back, hands moving to Clay’s waist. He can't believe this is real, that this is happening (and it's Clay who initiated it), but it feels good. Feel right.

Like this is how it was always supposed to be.

**_Stop your crying, baby, it'll be alright  
They told me that the end is near  
We gotta get away from here_ **

**_We never learn, we been here before_  
Why are we always stuck and running from the bullets? The bullets?  
We never learn, we been here before  
Why are we always stuck and running from the bullets? The bullets?**

He doesn't want to, but he pulls back. He has to know…

“Does this...does this mean you've…?” Tony gasps out, lips swollen from the kiss.

Clay, just as breathless as he is, nods.

“I'm sorry,” he apologizes, pressing another kiss to Tony’s lips. “I'm sorry.”

“Clay, you don't have to be sorry--”

“Yes, I do.” Clay puts both his hands on Tony’s shoulders and looks into his eyes. “I've been an idiot. I should have...I should have figured this all out awhile ago. I was just so fucking messed up about Hannah that I...I didn't know if I would ever be able to move on from her.”

**_We don't talk enough, we should open up_  
Before it's all too much  
Will we ever learn? We’ve been here before  
It's just what we know**

“And now?” Tony asks.

“Now…” Clay gives a hint of a smile. “I want to try. I do. And whatever there is between us, I want to give that a chance. I know I can't expect you to be patient with me after everything, but--”

Tony cuts him off by pressing their foreheads together. “It's okay. We’ll take it slow. All right? As slow as you want.”

Clay nods, thankful, and then they’re kissing again. They don't pay attention to the people catcalling and whistling, or to the people grumbling about having to see two men kissing each other in front of them. It's only them two in that moment. They’re all that matters right now.

**_Stop your crying, baby, it's a sign of the times_  
We gotta get away, we got to get away  
We got to get away, we got to get away  
We got to get away.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really hope this was okay. I wrote and rewrote this ten times and I'm still kind of nervous about this chapter.
> 
> Also, Matt isn't going to be too happy in the next chapter...


	9. UPDATE: Please Read

Hi, guys

I'm sorry this isn't a chapter update, but I felt that I needed to let you all know that this story has NOT been abandoned and never will be. The reason for my absence is

1: This chapter is going to be much longer than the other ones. I’m not good with writing long chapters, as my ADHD kicks in when I sit for too long to write. I am writing more every day, it's just taking me longer than expected.

2: My job is making me miserable. I'm in customer service and lately the customers have been...well, not so nice to me. I know I must sound like a baby, but it's been making me feel depressed and anxious and I just haven't been able to get out more chapters for my stories. Lack of motivation.

I know what it's like to have a story you enjoy reading and then have it never be updated. I hate that, and I don't plan on doing it to you guys. I'm just struggling a little bit. I will get through this and new chapters for each of my stories will be updated hopefully soon :)

I also have many new ideas for stories, but I promise I won't publish them without finishing the ones I'm already working on. That's another bad habit of mine and if you're an author, I recommend just working on one or two stories at a time. Don't push yourself to post any more than that. It can be stressful and difficult. I applaud anyone who can do it without much issue.

On a side note, please follow my best friend 13reasonswhyobsessed on Tumblr. I don't have one because I'm not a big Tumblr fan, but she’s amazing and agreed to help me out by keeping you guys updated on my stories and also posting my work on there. She is also an amazing author and takes requests, so please feel free to drop her one :) She's better at getting out stories than I am lol.

Thank you all for the support. I'm sorry this turned out to be so long. I appreciate you all so much. <3 

**Author's Note:**

> Please let me know if I should continue this or not.


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